God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
