Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
