dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
