Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
