Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
