I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
