the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize