I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
