How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
