He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
