He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
