Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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