if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So squirting runs in the family.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
