Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
