..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
