when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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