i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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