Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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