Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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