this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
