Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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