I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
