we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
