Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
