Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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