I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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