I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
