That's when you crack a 10am beer
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
