What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize