Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
