If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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