Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
