shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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