If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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