Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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