That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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