You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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