Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize