did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
