He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
