he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
