she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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