i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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