hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
