is wine microwaveable?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
