no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
