I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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