I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
