I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize