He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize