I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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