I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
