If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
