So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
