i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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