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Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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