yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize