"it" just moved
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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