there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
