I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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