standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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