So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
