Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
