I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
