I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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