Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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