we're blogging at a bar
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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