i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
