Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
