Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
