Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
