Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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