when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
