It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
