i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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