Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
