dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Enjoy the penises
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
