I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
