You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
