Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize