Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
