she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
