Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
