i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Randomize