i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
